you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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