She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
