I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
