Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
