After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize