I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
