If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
