if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
