she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize