You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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