I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
