video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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