Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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