reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
