remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
