Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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