She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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