drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just invented taco cereal.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
