i just sent this text using only my big toe
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
