What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we made out on top of his cat.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He passed out mid-signature
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
