i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
