You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
