walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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