I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
