Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
