i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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