I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
