i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
