went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
