This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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