its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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