You can't motorboat a personality
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
