i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You can't just leave with hair like that
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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