So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
