it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
