You made me cry and you don't even care
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
