We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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