Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize