Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
