seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
