I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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