Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
