Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
