Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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