I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
