Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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