she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
