She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
