he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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