I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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