so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
