Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
