Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
