just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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