That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
