We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
