and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
