she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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