some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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