I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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