So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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