Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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