Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
