I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
