Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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