the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
